My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
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