my phone needs a breathalizer
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
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I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I forget how to act sober
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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