I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
