addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
