Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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