Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
