I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize