Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
