I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize