it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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