hell yes lets make some ravioli
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
