it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
