Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
