That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
