She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize