So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
