I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
