so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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