Don't make out with my wife yet
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
