There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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