it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Found the puke drawer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
