you have to choose: penises or morals?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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