Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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