I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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