My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize