so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
