The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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