so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
