i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
