so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
