u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
