i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
