i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
