So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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