shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
