Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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