Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
