Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
where does the pee come out of this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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