I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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