This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
