the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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