I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
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we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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