WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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