He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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