I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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