the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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