You don't have asthma, your pregnant
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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