i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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