Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
