Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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