did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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