Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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