The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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