bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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