My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
